Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
