I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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