Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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