Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
