Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
