I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
