im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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