True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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