Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
