I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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