I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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