Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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