So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
