Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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