dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize