If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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