so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
