I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
