I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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