ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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