Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
