I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
