He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
