I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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