i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
