I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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