Tell her she can't have a vagina
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
