I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
