Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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