There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Where is the hickey?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
