Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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