Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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