I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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