She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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