he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
