I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
