I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
