he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
