First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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