Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
