ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
