just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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