Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
