Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
