can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
