One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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