Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
