I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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