If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
