Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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