i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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