I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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