In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
