im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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