im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
