your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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