i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
