Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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