Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
