Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
