it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
