this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
