I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
