We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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