Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
