so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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