I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
