"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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