ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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