you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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