Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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