It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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