My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Operation Purity has been aborted
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize